Ask the Greek God of Style (Vol. 20): Sweaty Pants

Q: Dear Greek God of Style, For many years sweat pants were ridiculed in the fashion world yet they seem to be making a comeback. What’s your opinion on this staple of American fashion? I find them really comfortable.

Ed from Everett

A: Dear Sweaty Eddie,

I have been asked this question numerous times whilst offering sound advice on relevant fashion topics. I see this trip into the fashion ditch is not going away anytime soon, so I'll respond, albeit briefly.

In your question, you reveal the deeper underlying polemic of why you are sweating.

Is your sweat due to physical exertion as you train to maintain your athletic prowess? Have you taken your cue from me and expended countless calories from endless weekend lovemaking? Or is it that the bespoke, single stitch denim trousers you've coveted for so long have slipped through your fingers again as you collect the remnants of your disappointment from between the folds of your belly?

I dare to suspect the latter. I'm sorry that your weakness has been exposed by truth.

Now I (pay close attention) prefer an athletic cut jersey trouser- tapered leg with gathered ankle (see note), worn alone. Please refer to the second question above as to the reasons for donning such garb. I believe that this cut provides the most post-coital freedom for active recovery as the evening transitions to dawn.

However, beware! You may think that a quick trip to the cafe for a hot beverage is now in order to surprise your love. Indeed it is not due to the reaction of the cool morning air intersecting with your manhood in recovery mode. You will again disappoint, not only you but those lovely cafe baristas whose eyes track below your elastic waistband and turn away, not in surprise, but in regret.

*Note: As an aside to those of Hellenic origin. You may think that the gathered ankle is a clean termination to the end of a long muscular leg - indeed there is validity to that. However there is purpose there as well. This critical purpose is to stave off revma which has a potential of derailing amorous encounters if not managed actively.

So Eddie, just because you can doesn't mean you should when it comes to "sweat pants". Ignore your Facebook feed, move your body to justify your moistness, and work backwards from the list of questions to give yourself a reason to dress this way.