Ask the Greek God of Style (Vol. 21): How Tight is Too Tight?

Q: Dear Greek God of Style, I like to wear my denim tight, mainly because I like how they hold things in place. When is tight too tight though? And how much pain should I expect good and proper fashion to require?

Anonymous

A: Dear Pat,

Since you didn't sign your letter I'll use this gender-neutral identifier. Denim, as you know, is a very nuanced and precious topic for me so we'll need to delve into the psychology of the issue - mainly by discussing my experiences.

On the subject of fit, I like to choose a raw denim that is, at first, snug. However, that denim, like a wild mustang in the hands of a master, will yield to my will. Eventually the rider and steed become one; the rider provides gentle guidance, the steed yielding extenuating results. There is a euphoria in that moment of symbiotic perfection.

Now Pat, that is the essence of denim. So you must forgive my immediate brush off of your ridiculous question of "hold things in place" and "tight enough".

I will make two assumptions in this reply. First, that you are a man and second that you are a woman.

In my travels I've seen varying styles of denim on men and man-boys. The typical man is wearing relaxed fit, ass-out, coin-slot revealing jeans from the local Wrangler retailer. Others I've seen are man-boys who cannot get past their poser-skater-youth fantasies and wear stretch, roll-on-like-pantyhose jeans, again with ass-out, coin-slot reveal. Dreadful! If you are indeed a man, you have risen above this cacophony of crazy and can show a bit of taste.

For you, the man, there is pain in the denim commitment! What relationship doesn't have pain?

Pain can lead to recovery intimacy, no? A bit of numbness is essential during the break-in process. This typically occurs in the thigh area. However, if you find numbness in the crotch area, be careful!

There is a delicate balance between break-in and breaking. So self regulate. Wait for "the tingle" then unbutton (button-fly assumed) for recovery. Also, it's imperative to relieve stressed positions by rearrangement- one day left, one day right. Center is never an option- for me at least.

If you are a woman, Pat, the narrative changes. If you like the support, then so do I.

Tailored ankles lead to tight calfs, which points to an hourglass base, reaching the crescendo of hips and assets. Nothing can spoil this more than pocket position and size. The pocket position should accentuate your actual hip angle, not necessarily your hoped for angle. The pocket size should be in proportion to your size . . . tiny pockets on on a large field aren't doing you or me any favors. You've done all this great work and picked the perfect denim for you. Now is not the time to wear a safety net over them. You've been bold, now own it!

Fashion requires suffering so suffer for my sake!