Ask the Greek God of Style (Vol. 29): Are You Close to the Brokenhearted?
Andy Ingram
Q: Dear Greek God of Style,
Are you still there? I need to admit that I stopped reading your advice column and stopped believing that you could help me, as I do not have the chiseled cheeks of a Greek god and instead have the vacant eyes of someone everyone forgets. I have made some regrettable fashion choices that I have even modeled in public. But don’t worry. No one noticed me. I humbly acknowledge you again to ask if there are any brands or styles you recommend that can make a person of little money look more stylish than they can really afford?
T. Tim from London
A: Dear Timmy Tims,
Not all who wander are lost, but I suspect in your case you’ve fallen into a hole of Aldi despair fashion - odd fast fabrics, straining in protest to their immediate irrelevancy and criminal existence. Do you live to satisfy a landfill? Better to construct a poncho from discarded fabrics to hide your shame!
I have also wandered, but through southern Europe’s coastal regions to experience the bronzing burnishing of these taught, toned features. I will let you imagine the majesty of this form on a summer’s eve as the fired glint from the sea’s surface illuminates this chiseled physique. The sun’s last rays desperately cling to every detail till they lament the earth’s shadow’s cast and recover to be reborn with haste and return to their prize. Do you not think in this way?
For your benefit, if one must be covered, I have been experimenting with draped linens and wide leg trousers. For the slight chill in the air, a shawl collar sweater is acceptable but only if it enhances your height and shoulder width. This will ensure that your presence evacuates air from every ladies’s lungs when you are on your evening passegiatta. Remember, one must not be confined nor constricted. This created the vacancy you describe due to the lack of circulation. Unbutton beyond your comfort zone and allow your cathedral to peel aloud your praise, albeit behind a veil of organic cotton.
I’m sorry this finds you in London on a dreary December where you are undoubtedly damp under low grey clouds. May my enlightened words bring you warmth and aspirations if not admiration.